Pride

 One thing that I truly desired to complete during the year of 2014 was to travel to someplace new, and I did just that this past weekend. It was all that I could yearn for: momentous, exhilarating, and truly heartening.

Sometimes being cooped up inside for so long is nice. Reading new books, relaxation, and Netflix is something most of us crave to do. But sometimes, it’s time to get out. A road trip with a good friend, driving down an open road, jamming out to Beyonce, and heading to a new place that I have never been to — it was everything that I could hope for.

Being a perfectionist young adult who strives to make herself feel worthy in this immense world to every individual that I meet is exhausting, and not to mention impossible. It’s hard to understand that when your only outlook on life is “Why did I not get invited?”, “Why did she not text back?”, or “What does she have that I don’t to get a date?” I learned that pride chews at us and gets into our head and tells us that we are too good to not get one little thing that we long for. When the truth is, pride destroys us. Look at yourself in a smaller way. Look at yourself in a way that doesn’t have to get the best to be the best. Just because you were not invited to dinner with a group of people does not mean that you are of less importance. I learned that this weekend, and it is infinitely true.

Pride. That’s what has overcome us. From looking at ourselves each time we pass a mirror to see if there is the least bit of imperfection on our bodies to telling the person next to you that you just aced that exam, pride resides in our minds and causes relationships to be destroyed, jobs to be elapsed, and for others to see the worst in us.

I have tried continuously to get myself out there so that I could get what “those other girls” get: a 4.0 GPA, a date to the next biggest formal, an officer position on campus, or even to get an invitation to each place they go to. I learned why I care about those things too much — my pride. Thinking too highly of yourself can cause scenarios that would never happen to go on inside your head, causing your relationships to go astray.

Don’t get me wrong, pride is not always a bad thing. Having a high self-esteem is essential to having good thoughts. However, there is a difference, I learned, between having too high of a self-ego and having the right amount of self-confidence. Your ego can be boosted too high, causing you to believe that you are too good to not get a text back, while self-confidence tells you that you are not any less essential just because you did not get a message from them sent to your phone.

Inspiration comes from many different places. Sometimes, it takes a place that is hours and hours away from your familiar area to get an understanding of why things happen. Watch being a perfectionist, watch your jealousy, watch your gossiping, watch your insecurity, watch your judgement, and watch your pride.

Remember, it’s a new year. It’s not too late to start over with who you want to truly become, even if that means changing your occupation, your relationship, or even your personality. I hope you have the courage to change to who you truly are and who you truly want to be.

I’m changing my pride. What are you changing?

xoxo,

kodi.

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