This weekend was offbeat, yet it made me feel so at ease.
I went home to the town I never wanted to see again, the friends I cried goodbye to, the classmates I fought with and clashed with and tussled with in each and every roundabout way.
I stepped foot inside my old school. The one-hallway building, set up in the middle of a cotton field . . . orange gym, classmates surrounding me, eyes upon me as I stepped foot inside the old framework. I found myself meandering, traveling to another place and another time — two years ago. When I felt so full and so put together. I found myself suddenly being put together again. All of the broken pieces and the missing cuts within me were filling up. The drama had surpassed and the tension between me and my classmates and me and my school had exceeded and I felt alive. Fully and truly alive.
It was if nothing had ever happened. I talked to one old friend as if she had never hooked up with my boyfriend our junior year. I talked to another as if she hadn’t tried to take my best friend away from me. I talked to another as if we didn’t have it out our freshman year of college and as if she didn’t move out on me. I talked to another as if I didn’t hit her in the face my senior year of highschool for talking trash about me for three months straight. We were a family again. The tension, the senseless turmoils . . . they suddenly seemed so insignificant in that moment. All that seemed to matter was that we were there, together. We were a family again.
I reconnected with some of the people that have truly left some of the greatest impacts in my life. It turns out, no matter how much you hate that old town or no matter how many emotions pass between you and your friends, it all passes. It all goes away. It may seem like the end at the time. Trust me, I have been there. I have felt as if the walls were so enclosed around me that there was no way I could clamber my way out. But it goes away. The bitterness passes. And sooner or later, you just might find yourself at a party with them . . . cheering to the good times and the old times and maybe even the new times that are soon to come. And it doesn’t matter what happens in our lives after that point because you now know that you can always come back to them. The classmates, the friends, the unrelated family. They will always be there.
These people have reminded me, with their very true heart and energy, that good people in this world still exist. It’s ironic, isn’t it? The people you come to hate the most at one point in your life are the same people who you need years later to fill that emptiness within you.
I hope you find that emptiness within you. And then I hope you find what is needed to fill it. Because once you do, there is no greater feeling in the world.