I Have Only Half-Survived

I’m 21, and I have already lived so much but yet I have so much left to carry out. My calling is still upon me, whatever it may be, and until I have lived to complete on Earth what God has in store for me, then I will always feel as if I have only half-survived.

It’s not easy to start your life over in a new town, meet new people, quit your hometown hobbies, find new goals, share these new goals with new friends, find back roads in a college town, find a familiar face, reach out to something new to help you find a small sense of who you are. It’s not easy starting over. It’s not easy revising your life to meet your new needs.

I think the whole reason that it is so difficult to start over is because we have to find that small boldness within us to let go. Let go of our past life, our past lovers, our past friends, our past dreams. We grow and let go little by little. Before we know it, we have a whole new lifestyle.

I have found myself pouring out my dreams and fears and desires into people I met less than a year ago. I have found myself falling for people who wasn’t a part of my plan in the past. I have found myself studying for classes that I never imagined making a career out of. I have found myself creating new hobbies within my life that contradict all of what I used to stand for. It’s not easy changing into the person that you are meant to be. It’s not easy realizing that who you were and who you always believed you would be is certainly not who you are going to end up being.

So, no. It’s not easy waiting to find out my calling. It’s not easy knowing what God wants from me. Maybe I will never know what God wants from me. But, until I strive to be the best that I can be in God’s eyes, until I become okay with knowing that God will always love me despite the mistakes that I carelessly make each and every day, and until I realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life at this very moment in time, then I will have only half-survived.

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