Where do I even begin? I can’t possibly start off with how my day has been going. Or how my week has been going. Or how my month or semester is going, because well . . . I haven’t written in five months. Five. Where do I even begin?
These are the thoughts that just raced through my tangled brain as I sat down to write for the first time in months. Five, to be exact, as you just read above.
Where do I even begin? Let’s start off with the fact that I am now in my third (almost fourth) month of student teaching. I am struggling to find a way in which I am able to put my busy life into words. I am in my second placement in the school, which means that I am in a whole new grade level with a whole new teacher. I have my little home decorated for Christmas already. Oh, and I have a dog. A four-month-old energetic, happy, life-of-the-party, golden retriever named Nala. Nala is sitting next to me at this very moment in time. Her eyes are drifting off, although we just woke up for our coffee. She’s a sleepy little thing.
I know I say it in almost every post of mine. But, SERIOUSLY — where does the time go? It has escaped from my fingertips. I don’t even have a grip on it anymore. I have accepted the fact that this life is going to keep going and going and going. I can’t press pause. I can’t slow it down. It’s a non-stop rollercoaster that I have learned to hold on to. When I want to press pause, I just need to soak that moment in a little bit longer.
My dad brought out the old home videos yesterday for Thanksgiving. I haven’t even seen some of them before. I danced and karaoked to a few different songs, while changing outfits between each one. I sang off-key, I had no rhythm, and I was that awkward little seven-year-old girl that you laugh at and feel sorry for. The thing about these videos, however, is that we could pause them. We paused when we wanted to take a longer look at one of my outfits that I chose. We rewinded when we wanted me to sing that one line off-key just one more time. We fast forwarded through the parts that were too embarrassing to even watch. We can do that with videos. We can’t do that with life.
If I could, I would go back through this past year and pause at each moment that I wanted to soak in just a little bit longer. I would rewind to the day that I picked Nala up from that man in Missouri. I would pause at the day when Cody took me hammocking and picnicing by the lake. I would pause at the moment in which my family went to iHop at 11 p.m. last night on Thanksgiving. I would soak in all of these little moments because the older that I get, the more that I realize how precious they are. The more that I realize how fast they go by. The more that I realize that I want more of these moments, each and every day. Because without these moments, well, what is life really about?
But then I have to remind myself that some of the best times, and some of the times that I want to rewind to and pause at, just happened this year. Some happened four months ago. Some happened yesterday. This is comforting, because it reminds me of the fact that I am going to have more of these “I-want-to-pause-here” moments in life. I just have to embrace the ones that I have had, hold on tight to this rollercoaster called life, and continue on to the next pausable moment that I want to soak in for just a little bit longer. It will happen, I will take it in, then I will move on to the next one. That’s how life works — just one pausable moment to the next.
This Thanksgiving was a little different this year. I had three. I don’t think I have ever had three Thanksgiving meals in my life. But, that’s what happens when life happens and it changes and you just hang on for the ride — you find yourself making changes without even realizing it and you find yourself enjoying these little changes. As long as you are with the people that you love and the people that love you, as long as you find that thing in life that makes you have a pausable moment each and every day, and as long as you find yourself embracing this rollercoaster of a life as hard as you can — then you will be okay. It will all be okay.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Cheers to me writing for the first time in five months!